Stowaway Samosa

I have a Stowaway Samosa. It appeared out of nowhere, suddenly and quite without reason. I only noticed it when I was driving to work this morning. It was on the passenger side of the car, near the can of antifreeze with no lid has a tendency to roll about every time I go round a roundabout. It has one corner bitten off. Who is this mystery pastry? From whence did it appear? I know I certainly did not purchase it and forget to eat it (I'm not like that at all, I usually finish samosas before I get home), and the likelihood is that it hasn't been in my vehicle for that long. It is not misshapen and all its contents are still within. It must have materialised over the last 24 hours...

Sophie, you don't know anything about my mystery passenger do you?

Fiesta Latina and Speed Crafts

Arranged to see my friend Sophie yesterday to catch up, we hadn't see one another since Christmas, and although blogs are a fantastic way to catch up, its not quite the same as seeing someone in person. After trudging around open air markets for the greater part of the afternoon, with absolutely NO success in finding earrings of an especially high twinkly factor (as well as being massively HUGE), we decided to call it a day and head home. So, just before dinner we had this crazy idea that we could make a miniture teddy - certainly if we collaborated on the affair, but clearly was this the best activity to be engaging in just before going out of an evening? Well, after dinner we RACED to get this little peppermint coloured fleecy teddy finished (we've decided to call him Colgate) becuase we were going out.

Adventures in Salsa have never been so interesting. And I'm not even going to mention having to fend off the sleasy men all evening. However, feeling confident enough to fend them off means that I'm left feeling like I've finally graduated to the world of grown-upness and all its adolescent insecurities are slowly starting to melt away. When I say melt away, I mean more scream loudly till you burst out laughing and then tell them to shut up. I've always had a complex about being the fat girl with glasses, the one to be avoided at all costs, you know, the one who was always the side-kick that everyone felt happy to chat to, but no one ever fancied or wanted to date. Those days be gone! Hurrah! And I finally see the world through clear tinted specs:

No one knows what they're doing. Everyone lacks confidence. Everyone is scared of people they don't know. Everyone in any given salsa club (I tend not to go to any other types of club) thinks that the girls dancing on the floor are ultra gorgeous because they are slim and becuase they are dancing with the cute guys who are good dancers. The good dancers are guys only tend to ask you to dance if they know you... but the truth is, they don't do it becuase they think you're not a good dancer. They do it becuase they're lazy and they are just as embarrassed asking someone they don't know to dance. There is always a scattering of girls around the dance floor looking nervous or just wishing someone would come up and ask them to dance. After a while they get bored, but they're too scared to just jump in there and ask blokes to dance, so they leave early - and they leave disappointed.

What I've learned is that you've got to stop worrying about what others think, becuase they are more preoccupied with worrying about how they're going to look appealing enough to be asked to dance. I've decided to stop wasting my time. I've come to dance, so I'm going to make opportunities. I'm going to ask all the good guys to dance and see what happens - hopefully that means I'm actually going to get to dance in any given evening! Isn't that the main objective when you go out salsa dancing?

So the moral of the story? Stop waiting for people to ask you to dance, get on that dance floor and shake your booty... Goes for things in real life too...

What's in a name?

I am finding that I have an increasingly good memory for names. I must see quite a few hundred people over the course of my week. Employees and visitors at work and loads of people at church constantly having to remember who they are and who they're here to see. I've noticed that for some of them, I remember their surname, some I remember just their first name, others I remember both. Some names I don't even remember at all, which leaves me thinking that there couldn't have been made a significant connection in my brain... there was this one guy whose surname I couldn't remember, but then suddenly, I conjoured up an image in my mind that would help me associate name to face - He's called Simon DOWLING, you know, after FATHER DOWLING INVESTIGATES? I just can't forget that name now. Sometimes I remember what their name is by who they're here to see... Mr King always comes to visit the Print Room, Steve always tells me to call him Steve and not by his surname, which only means I remember his surname even more... Mr Saunders nearly always asks for Mr Moir... you get the idea. Anyway, I've been working where I work not very long at all, since August, and I know the visitors and the employees better than the girls who have worked here for six years. It is frightening to see how their listening and observation skills differ so dramatically from my own. Ah well, sometimes I think this kind of job suits me so well - put a friendly, sparkly face at the forefront of your organisation and you're onto a winner.

Plus, it really helps when all the Kates in church go to your midweek group... we've got about five of them! Kat, Kate, Kate, Katie and... oooh dear, I forgot the last one...

Waiting for the fish

Do you sometimes think that life would be much better if you were patient? Patience has a tendency to elude me, I want what I want, and I want it NOW. Can you learn to be a cheerful waiter? I mean, sure if you actually enjoy balancing trays and taking abuse from people who just want to order you about... but really, you know, while you wait for stuff to happen in your life, is there a way to be content, cheerful, and generally pleasant to be around? Is it a character trait that you can imbue? I mean, what if the concept of being a child of peace is completely alien to you? What does it look like? I mean, sometimes I think my attitude goes something like this: 'If you care enough about something, it moves you to action. If you're not moved to action about the thing you're frustrated about, then it SEEMS like you don't care and its not important.' Mmmm time to change the script to something like, 'Just becuase I'm not doing anything about it, it doesn't mean its not important and it doesn't mean I don't care.' So, how do I communicate that then? How do I start living it? How can something still be REALLY important, but you don't STRIVE after it? There is a big lesson here to be learned... I think the cats can teach us something. Do you think they learned that if they hang around long enough, then they'd get what they wanted?

Hope Restored

I was just tidying up my room, thinking, 'Oh my goodness, where on earth did the last four hours go?' realising that I'd spent at least a couple leaving through a book of real life stories of how God intervened and changed lives... I got up and decided to get on with some work, and was just pottering around thinking to myself, 'I know things are going to be all right.' I picked up my jeans to fold them up and there staring me in the face was the purse that I had lost last Wednesday!!! Underneath my big pile of laundry! As if God was giggling at me... 'Of course, everything's going to be fine, you silly girl!' My purse wasn't lost after all - it was just hiding. Like my hope. Not lost, just hiding. I don't know what the future will bring, but I expect great things...

The Miniatures

The teddies are actually only around 2 and a half to 3 inches in height. They sit nicely in the palm of your hand. I wish I had more time to make more. Hope you enjoy the stories. Lots of love, me.

The Professor

Name: Damson Penelope Sedgwick
D.o.B: 29 April, 1932
Place of Birth: A small potting shed at the bottom of grandma’s garden
Nationality: British
Occupation: Professor of Culinary Antiquities, Author and Qualified Chef.

Professor Damson P. Sedgwick is a world-renowned expert in culinary antiquities. His area of expertise covers Ancient Greece and Rome, and his interest spans into the Turkish Ottoman Empire. Although he experienced the pleasures of rationing during the second world war, and being merely a child at the time, he was heralded a hero in his local community of Fordingbridge, Hampshire for his most innovative recipes.

His parents, Sorrell and Frederick Sedgwick, were local farmers, established in the area since medieval times, and owned quite a few many sheep as well as having a market garden. They would sell there wares in the village, where ladies of all ages, finding Damson a delightful little chap and full of ideas, would seek his assistance in devising recipes for dinner and special occasions. During the school holidays, Damson would often be found entertaining the tourists with his blackberry tart and lemonade stall at the local archaeological site, Rockbourne Roman Villa. This activity he continued throughout his teens, and in addition to being a tour guide at the site until the year he graduated from Oxford, he would go on to publish the recipes he had exchanged with the tourists in his first cookery pamphlet, Portable Picnic Food for the Discerning Tourist, Fordingbridge Teddyvisual Press.

Sedgwick then moved to London to continue his doctorate in Culinary Antiquities whilst holding down his first job cataloguing ancient artifacts in the secret vaults at the British Museum. After ten years and a steady progression up the career ladder, Damson found himself as curator of culinary Ottoman artifacts and antiquities. This led to his secondment, during the mid 1960s, to the Istanbul Archaeological Museum where he was instrumental in the research and development of a culinary tour of Turkey. He collaborated with the locals on traditional and ancient recipes popular during the time of the Ottomans. Whilst there, there was a misunderstanding with some traders in the 16th Century Egyptian Spice Market in Istanbul which led to his imprisonment for a brief spell. All was not lost, however, and two years after the incident, Sedgwick birthed his best selling novel, Two Partridges and a Handmaiden, which catapulted him to international stardom, quite literally overnight.
This book, which is now in its tenth edition, has been on the New York Times Best Seller list for several decades, and was the beginning of a long string of novels and cookery books celebrating the food of the ancient world. Titles of novels include: The Fishcakes of Flavia Marcellus, Juno and the Sacred Goose, Solomon’s Banquet, and cookery books: Nectar and Ambrosia, Fragrance of the Gods, By Zeus He’s Hungry, and the best-selling Libations and Cordials: Alcoholic and Virgin cocktails for all occasions.

When he is not busy writing novels, Professor Sedgwick lectures a post graduate class on Ancient Utensils and Chefology, gives a Classical Cuisine master class at the City and Guilds Teddyversity and runs an extra-curricular evening class for teddies of the third age in How to Construct (and ride) your own pogo stick.

Professor Sedgwick is married with four grown-up children of varying design.

Academic Qualifications
BA Hons Classics and Archaeology, Oxford Teddyversity
MA Classical Antiquities, Oxford Teddyversity
PhD Classical Banqueting Arts, London School of Teddology
PhD Pogos and Unicycles: A history of construction and application, TST, Istanbul.

Books and Articles:
1953, Portable Picnic Food for the Discerning Tourist, Fordingbridge Teddyvisual Press.
1955, ‘Dandelion Soup for the Soul’, article August, Teddy and Home Magazine
1956, ‘A touch of Winter Spice’ article, January, Teddy and Home Magazine,
1958, ‘Wise words from a discerning sprout’ Autumn, Cook’s Quarterly
1959, ‘Why ancient soups still taste so good’ Article in Teddyversity Newspaper, based on Thesis premise
1964, ‘The artifice and edifice of ancient banqueting techniques: Better late than never’ Thesis published in Journal of Culinary Antiquities, Oxford Teddyversity Press
1967, Two Partridges and a Handmaiden, Teddy University Press
1969, Solomon’s Banquet, Teddy University Press
1972, Juno and the Sacred Goose, Teddy University Press
1975, Once Bitten, Twice Plump: A Collection of Short Stories, Teddy University Press
1979, The Famous Fishcakes of Flavia Marcellus, Teddy University Press
1985, Nectar and Ambrosia, Bear Necessity Press
1985, King Akkram and the Mummy of Cheese, Teddy University Press
1988, Fragrance of the Gods, Bear Necessity Press
1991, Libations and Cordials: Alcoholic and Virgin cocktails for all occasions, Bear Necessity Press
1993, The Wedding Feast of Flavia Marcellus, Teddy University Press
1994, The Mediterranean Adventure of Flavia Marcellus, Teddy University Press
1996, By Zeus He’s Hungry, Bear Necessity Press
2000, Old Cheeses for all occasions, Bear Necessity Press

Elspeth Pettigrew the First

Name: Elizabeth Anne-Marie Constantine Pettigrew
D.o.B: A lady never reveals her age
Place of Birth: The Roman Baths, Aquae Sulis, England
Nationality: Norwegian
Occupation: Champion cross-Atlantic Olympic swimmer and Guinea Pig Breeder.

Elspeth Pettigrew, of (undisclosed location) Norway, is best known for her daring feats of bravery. Whilst merely a cub, her parents found her rescuing a friend’s sail boat as it threatened to run adrift whilst taking on the London Bridge ferry in a daring game of ‘catch the ferry’. Hence the infamy began. Better known for being a four-times Olympic champion, she emigrated to Norway in 1984 after press coverage of her last under water polo match became too overwhelming and caused her pony to drown. She has lived the remainder of her life raising guinea pigs on a dairy farm in the most remote part of Norway.

She is also a well-known water skier, and was decorated by HM The Queen for being the first woman to circumnavigate the globe on a specially designed pair of self-propelling skis. An adventurer to the core, there are several undocumented lost years, of which nothing is known of her whereabouts. However, in 1975, some film footage, thought to have been taken by a Japanese tourist, shows what appears to be a sea creature matching Elspeths’ description, lurking about a coral reef off an antipodean coast. Some suspect the involvement of the government in recruiting Elspeth for a mission of great importance as an explanation for her disappearance. The rumours and speculation surrounding her precise whereabouts during this time vary in assumption from having been assigned to penetrate a Germanic outpost in the Himalayas, to obtaining a historic artefact from darkest Peru, to testing top-secret underwater vehicles in Newfoundland. Upon her she return to Aquae Sulis, she immediately gave birth to twins.

She is never known to have been married, although has twenty-two children of varying design. Her most reported romantic association is with the great explorer and inventor of the self-propelled water skis, Sir Humphrey Abbot-Smith. It is suspected that he may be the father of several of her children, however this has never been proved.

Her most famous child, Nobel Pettigrew St James, is known to be the son of famous author, Bounder St James, of London. Nobel is world-renowned fork throwing champion, and clearly takes after his mother in his athletic pursuits. He has also written several murder-mystery novels pivoting around the dangerous world of fork throwing.

Notable Accomplishments
1984 – Los Angeles Olympics. No medals, after the disastrous under water polo incident.
1983 – Appeared in the most reputable charity calendar, ‘Sporting Women Bears throughout history’. She appears twice: Once as herself on her self-propelled water skis, and once as the famous Lawn Tennis Teddy, Velma Van Der Hoven, circa 1918.
1982 – Single-handedly circumnavigated the globe on self-propelled water skis.
1980 – Moscow Olympics: Gold medallist in the Aquatic triathlon consisting of swimming, sailing and water skiing. Silver medallist in ‘How long can you hold your breath under water’ competition. Bronze medallist in ‘Musical Clams Assault Course’.
1980 – Recorded a charity Christmas single with Elvis McDougal, former member of the band The Furry Animals.
1976 – Montreal Olympics: Gold medallist in the cross-channel backstroke, Silver medallist in the Aquatic Triathlon.
1972 – Munich Olympics gold medallist in the cross-channel backstroke, Bronze medallist in cross-country water skiing.
1968-1972 – The lost years.
1968 – Mexico City Olympics, gold medallist in the cross-channel backstroke, Bronze medallist in cross-country water skiing.
1967 – First experiments with the self-propelled water skis.
1964 – Tokyo Olympics, gold medallist in the cross-channel backstroke.
1962 – Hawaiian high-diving charity event, First Place and only survivor, narrowly escaping shark attack.
1953 – Devised and led an Antarctic expedition to find some long-rumoured missing branch of the family.
1950 – Junior cub water skiing champion.

Publications and Articles
1983 ‘Sporting Women Bears throughout history charity calendar’, St Higginsworth Trust for baby bears and cubs, pub Teddy Bear Press.
1983 ‘Pettigrew and the Great Aquatic Obsession: A Biography’ by Sardine De La Rouche and Ginger Braithwaite, pub Teddy Bear Press.
1981 ‘Sportsbearsonality of the year’ pub Teddy Journal of Sports.
1980 ‘Lady Sportsbears full colour supplement’ by Thiery Pamplemousse, Teddy Journal of Sports.
1976 ‘Where’s Pettigrew?’ Editor Nancy Shanks, The Bruin Times, part of the Teddy News Conglomerate.
1976 ‘Two for tea’ by Jose Rodriguez Rodriguez, Annual Teddy Bears’ Picnic Review, Teddy University Press.
1975 ‘Being Elspeth’ by Hilary Buffer, Bear’s Weekly.
1960 ‘After the Bear’ by Norris McTaggart, pub Teddy Journal of Sports.
1957 ‘Bears of the future’, Malcom St Ives, pub Teddy University Press.
1957 ‘The new face of Teddy me Beautiful Cosmetics’, Teddy Vogue.

Lock the door, but don't throw away the key...

I've been following with excitement and fondness the exploits of Max, who has recently fallen in love with a girl from his office. Since I've not been able to watch television, this is like the next best thing. I follow the story with eagerness. I get excited with every new twist and turn, with every new discovery. I love living vicariously through others! I love making new friends, and the cyber-community is perfect for that. Especially when your heart goes out to them, especially when you can rejoice with them, especially when you can tell them that you are right there with them...

My friend Anne Marie recently found herself in love and with boyfriend, it was so exciting because you knew it was right, even through all the traumas surrounding the situation, OK, so that wasn't in cyberspace, but you celebrate in any case...

Unfortunately my office 'romance', unexpected as it was, has left me wondering what it was all about. For now, I've had to lock the door. For now, to preserve my heart, I've got to just walk away. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS, PEOPLE? Do you know how difficult it is to know that you MUST do something? To know that the only solution is to change how you feel? To change what you think? To change who you are? To invest effort into resisting reaching out - just for the moment, so that in the long run, I can do so with freedom and with clear boundaries? Dammit I don't want boundaries! OK, yes I do, but you see the problem?

It feels like if things change, I'll lose what I have. But the irony is that I don't have anything but an impossible situation, so what's the loss? And the not knowing how it will be in a few weeks... that is the absolute agony.

NO.

I KNOW that everything will be fine. I KNOW that it will turn out alright in the end, and there will be smiles and laughter and fondness and... and... it will just take time for the healing power of Christ to just trickle into my soul and melt away all the anguish.

Just hang in there, OK?

Let the fire burn...

Things are getting difficult. The fire is burning. But like my housemate said, 'Wild horses make the best racers once their raw power is honed.' I like that. I'm in the desert right now. I'm in the fire. I'm in the process of refining, of being honed. Hopefully I will emerge beautiful. Here is an excerpt from Tommy Tenny on www.godchasers.com:

Intimacy with God requires a certain level of brokenness. Purity comes from brokenness. The games are over, friend. He’s calling you because He is in love with you.

“…he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. He destined us in love to be his...(Ephesians 1:4-6).

Could it be that we don’t want to get into a close relationship with God because we know He’s going to look into our hearts, and we know what He will find there? We have to deal with more than our outward actions; we have to deal with our inward motives also. We must come clean,. God can’t reveal His face to a partially pure Church. It would be destroyed in an instant.
God is calling people who want serious revival into a place of transparent purity. It’s you He’s after. He wants you to draw near. At the same time, if you do come near, then your flesh must be dealt with. That can only mean one thing: You must die out to self. This is the same God who told Moses, “No man has seen My face and lived.” So remember to pass by the altar of forgiveness and sacrifice on your way into the Holy of Holies. It’s time for us to lay our egos on the cross, to crucify our will, to lay our own agendas aside.

God is calling you to a higher level of commitment. Forget the plans you’ve made for yourself -- lay on His altar and surrender. Pray, “God, what do You want me to do?” It’s time to lay everything aside and cover yourself in the blood of Christ. Nothing alive can stand in His presence. Did you get that? “Nothing alive” – so to experience the ultimate presence of God you must enter a walking dead man. Your lungs are breathing, but your agenda is dead. Before you can legitimately pray “Thy kingdom come” you must sincerely pray “My kingdom go”! And if you’re dead, then He will make you alive. All you need to do is die if you really want to get into His presence. When the apostle Paul wrote, “I die daily,” he was saying, “I enter into the presence of God every day” (see 1 Cor. 15:31b). Run in don’t run away! Risk your ego to experience His favor.

The Story of My Death

Is a story by anti-blogger on a site somewhere in wonderweb... here I think. Not to be missed, it is FANTASTIC!!!

Whilst were busy campaigning for things...

Have you seen the new Dove campaign for real beauty? It is about challenging the nation's thinking on what is beautiful. Personally I believe that real women have curves. Its ok for them movie stars to set the bar so high none of us can reach it... but they have a dedicated team of at least 30 people who are paid to make them look good. NOt to mention they also get paid millions just to look good. I'm telling you, if someone paid me 7 million per film, I'd be a size 10 and enjoy working out every day with a veritable bevvy of salsa instructors!

THE MONEY SECRET

I had a very challenging day yesterday whereupon I lost my purse. Not just a silly mislay - you know, I've lost it plenty of times before where my housemate has come into my room and gone, 'Look! There it is!' but no, not this time. I may have left it at the house where we have band practice... but I asked the lady whose house it is and she couldn't see it anywhere. So something I haven't done before: I cancelled all my cards! URGH! Hopefully it will turn up then. I checked all over the house, in the car, at work... and I didn't go anywhere or see anyone dodgy inbetween those times, nor spend any money, so... URGH! GRRR! ARG!

Anyway, just in time for this new campaign that is going on that Rob Parsons is urging us to partake in. This is what he says:

Will you help us launch a campaign that I pray will strengthen families across the UK? I need your help to get the message of The Money Secret book out across the country, where it can release people from the fear and isolation of debt.

On Monday 28th February outside the Bank of England in London, we will launch Cash for a Month – Give Debt the Elbow! The idea is simple. During the month of March, decide to use just cash – not credit or debit cards - for all your everyday shopping.

But why do I need your help? Next week I plan to contact radio stations and newspapers. I want to be able to tell them that hundreds, maybe thousands of people have already signed up for Cash for a Month.

This will give the scheme credibility and should grab the attention of media everywhere. TV presenter Diane Louise Jordan is already keen to help us with the campaign.
We're hoping that this will capture the attention of the media, and get the principles of The Money Secret out to our nation. All the royalties from the book are going to charity.
Would you help by doing two things?

(1) Would you sign up yourself to Cash for a Month? All you have to do is respond to an email you will receive tomorrow, confirming your email address and postcode.

(2) Please send tomorrow’s email to as many friends as you can, encouraging them to sign up too. The campaign is being launched under the banner of www.themoneysecret.info
How does it work?What we suggest is that your standing orders or direct debits continue as usual. But through the month of March, use only cash for all your shopping – instead of using credit cards, debit cards or store cards. You may be amazed at the different way you view your spending, when you’re using real money that actually runs out towards the end of each week! In fact, one expert has suggested that when we use credit cards we spend up to a third more.
If you are experiencing the pressures of debt yourself at the moment – resolve to talk to someone and start finding help today. You’ll find some useful links at www.themoneysecret.info. And most of all – know that you can find hope and a way forward.
Thank you for your help – together, we can make a difference.

To sign up now, just click here – thank you!UnsubscribeIf you have received this message in error, or do not wish to be contacted by Care for the Family using email in the future, simply click on the 'Unsubscribe' link above.

The Daily Perils of Reception

Your colleagues.

Plain and simple. Now, if a blog isn't somewhere to go on about the impossible people you work with, then where else? Sometimes I think that my colleagues are living on another planet - one called ignorance is bliss. These women lack such common sense it does my head in. Why is it that they have no idea about nutrition?

I mean, one of them, bless her will say in the same breath, 'Olive oil is good for you isn't it?' then 'Are olives fattening?' then 'oooh, you lose weight on a low fat diet' and 'You can even have nuts, they're healthy aren't they?' Its like, no idea what the difference between a fat, a carbohydrate and a protein is, not to mention the best line, 'This soup isn't made with any fat in it at all..' What planet? Did they list the ingredients in the canteen then? Of course soup is made with fat you moron, 'The 'cream of' soup isn't fattening is it?' Have a salad you silly woman! The best one just now, 'oh! on that new diet you're even allowed bread made from wheat!'

Actually, that's made me giggle...

But its driving me round the bend, especially this flipping between complete surety that bad foods are good and good foods are bad to this complete insecurity about what you put in your mouth (ok, don't answer that one)...

Come on, people! Its like you watch all these diet programs on tv and you still don't get it?

Eat lots of fruit and vegetables, avoid excess sugar and salt, don't eat too many carbohydrates or use lard in cooking, stay away from processed foods, watch your portion size and drink lots of water. NOT DIFFICULT!

Life would be a lot easier if you just threw away the scales and refused to diet.

Five Number Mambo

I like boys. And boys like me.

I'm the most blessed sparkly thing in the world!

Delirious

I feel like I'm having mood swings at the moment. Not all bad you understand. Its almost as if I'm experiencing teenage emotions that I never got to really truly experience the first time around. Is such a thing possible and what does it have to do with giving up sugar? I'm sure its not just becuase its that time of the month...

I seem to be going from highs to lows in the same breath almost... One minute I've got tears streaming down my face, the other I'm grinning like the cheshire cat, and boy could that cat grin!

It happened this morning. One minute I was in the loos trying desperately to resist the man who I'm trying to resist at the moment (not that he was in the loos with me, you understand, just figuratively trying to resist writing an e-mail to him - which I failed at - I wrote it) and the next minute this other bloke comes into reception, a lovely Mr Carter from SAS Software who rides a motorcycle... We had a lovely parry of words, giggles and other non-verbal communication which led even my not particularly observant colleague to go 'You were flirting with him!'. I replied, 'Hell yes!' (am I allowed to use that kind of language around here?) and hence the grinning.

So, as a young single, damn sexy Christian woman waiting for my man of God husband to hurry up and show his face before I get tempted into a fiery pit of hellfire, should I be engaging in such behaviour? I mean, flirting with guys and pining after unsuitable men who respect me too much to pursue me? Dammit, I know I want it both ways but what else is there to do in the meantime? Quick! A distraction! Any distraction! Maybe I should stick my fingers in my ears and sing the theme tune to Enterprise really really loudly?

Blogging into the next millenium

My friend Jo from London has just started this really cool blog... She's having mega troubles with a dodgy landlord, and her reports on electrical appliances, doors, security arrangements and the phone company just crack me up! It feels like the next installment is going to be ultra funny too!

I've also been reading some nutty nutty blogs! Love me or Bl*w me is not really reading I would have thought I would enjoy... its still a bit crude, but you may enjoy it. There are some real gems there. The chappy has got another blog too with odd writings on it.

Talk to God is definately worth a try... a hotline to the divine. Got any questions? Ask him and there is your answer!

I love just following postings that people have put on other sites - you find the most tremendous blogs that way!!!

Of course, the blogs I visit pretty much every day are Serena Wombat and Swiss Toni . Also a homage to Stand by Your Statue. Can't wait to get somewhere that there are satues!!!

Enjoy!

Is your daddy a confectioner?

I am soooooo excited! Guess what? You must celebrate with me...

I have given up refined sugar. I've been clean for four weeks now. The decision came after I lost all control of my senses and scoffed almost an entire gift box of Maltesers. All 300g of a 400g box! A shameful enterprise indeed. I just couldn't stop. I said to myself, 'Go on. Eat it all. Eat it till you feel sick. Its good for you. Aversion therapy. It will make sure you never do it ever again. Go on. Have some more. Just another...'

It worked. I felt so sick I vowed never to do it again. I even prayed. The thing is, I realised that there was this hunger inside of me that just couldn't be filled by eating chocolate. No matter how many sweets I ate, it just couldn't be sated. So I had to figure out a different way to get it filled. In my case, I every time I'm tempted I pray: God, I am choosing not to fill my own hunger by eating sweets, it says that you supply all our needs, so please come and fill me so that I don't feel hungry, Amen!

Well, four weeks down the line and others have started to notice that I've been slimming down! (My housemate, one of the girls at work, AND a young man whose opinion I very much appreciate... so if they say so, it must be true!) The thing is, I tried on this pair of trousers that had gotten really uncomfortable - AND THEY FITTED!!!! hooorrraaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!! Celebrate good times, come on! I couldn't believe it! They were even a little loose! I now have another outfit I can wear to work! Yippeeee!

All the more reason to be glad that I haven't received any chocolates today!!!!

I feel all sparkly now...

Expectant or Expecting?

Not me, don't worry, but I've got to that stage in life where so many of my friends are trying to have babies. Its absolutely wonderful, becuase I get to find out all about the female reproductive system. Without being too explicit, I had this amazing conversation with my next door neighbour about how to do your 'chart'. It is supposed to be able to predict when in your menstrual cycle you are more likely to conceive based on about three different and obscure variables: 1) your temperature 2) excretion of certain fluids 3) something to do with your cervix. Clearly I was so fascinated, I'm not actually quite sure how these things relate to the five possible days you are ovulating. Apart from the growing number of growing women I know, added to those trying to conceive and those getting together or getting hitched (will this merry-go-round of life never end?), it leaves me a little confused as to what my role is in the procedings apart from to go 'oooh!' and 'ahhh' and 'can you feel it kick?' and 'you look so good together' not to mention 'when's the big day?'.

Taking into consideration that it is the big V day today, I feel quite departed from the whole 'loved-upness' that we're supposed to feel around this time of year. BUT, having said that, I still do feel quite expectant about 2005 in general. It has been a cracker of a year so far, what with conflict, unsuitable suitors and general business, not to mention all the new years resolutions and stuff, that I'm feeling like something should give around about mid-August.

A woman can tell these things, you know.

But as I said to a friend yesterday, 'I can't wait to have my story!' I can't wait for the end of the year, to look back and go 'WOW! Thank the Lord! What with all the traumas and excitements, look how brilliantly things have turned out in the end! Amen, let's do it again next year and see what happens!'

You'll be hearing about it hear first, so stay tuned.

She always yearned for the most unsuitable men. 

Delusions

In response to Serena Wombat's exciting ambition to Live in a Dream, I will now post a song that I wrote about three years ago or so along a similar theme... Its called Delusions.

Sometimes I wanna bask in my delusions
And forget all those allusions to reality
Sometimes I wanna close the door to real life,
I wanna sit in seventeen land and forget it all...

(strum Em chord) I'm a high school prom queen
(strum Am) I'm an easy rider too
I can change my name, go insane and feel no pain (so bite me)

Sometimes I wanna be a Time Lord warrior

I wanna dress like Captain Archer (or Mr Spock)

Sometimes I wanna be the dark avenger

And sacrifice my life, surrender it all....

To the time trapped hero
To the dark side of the force
I can fly so high, almost die, and not care why

Sometimes, I wanna stop all time and space lines
I wanna call you at work and tell ya that I want it all
Sometimes I wanna lose my mind completely
I wanna drag you into my DVD.... and we'll

Play the misfit ball team
The Lone Gunmen Fighters too
(can't remember this line but when I do I'll write it down)

(fade out to...)
We'll be scooby doo
We'll be starwars baby
MAKE IT SO!
We'll be lethal weapons, honey...

Hope this helps and excites on a boring Friday afternoon...

Obituary - Mr Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how oldhewas since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowingwhen to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm andthatlife isn't always fair.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend morethan you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, areincharge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intended but overbearing regulations were set in place - reports of a six-year-oldboycharged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouth wash after lunch; and a teacher fired forreprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sensedeclined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally,Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment thantheir victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failedto realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit inherlap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, hiswife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. Heis survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If youstill remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

There's a lot of love in the room

One of the many books on my current reading list is called The Five Love Languages of God. The of God part is irrellevant for the moment, becuase it just expands on the ways in which we love God and he loves us, but the main point is that there are five primary ways in which we give and recieve love to one another. They are as follows:

Touch (obvious one)

Quality Time (again, you are important, I give you time)

Gifts (little meaningful presents, not necessarily expensive)

Acts of Service (I love my wife, so I'll buy her some flowers - d'oh! she thinks it is a waste of money and would rather I did the dishes.... I wish she'd buy me a rolex, but I've just got to understand that raising my kids, keeping me fed, ironing my shirts, doing car pool, cleaning the house and being beautiful for me is more precious than an ipod. Or a GSX650)

Words of Affirmation ('You're great' etc...)

Also, the chappy writing the book says that we are likely to respond to one of these more than any other, hence our PRIMARY love language. (mine is words of affirmation). He suggests that if we are not receiving from our Primary language, it doesn't matter how much the people around us (or significant other) are loving us, we jsut don't get it, we just don't feel loved. And if we don't feel loved, we feel less able to give love... and hence there is less love all around.

SO, what is my point? I think this is to encourage one another to see if you can decipher each other's love languages so that you can start to really communicate your appreciation in ways that are going to be received. Plus, if you share it with one another, then you get your love quotia filled and everyone will be much happier. I mean, take Serena Wombat for example. I'd wager that her Primary LL is Words of Affirmation: She is a writer after all, and complains about not getting enough positive feedback. The things we complain that we're not getting is a surefire indicator of what our language is. Also, stuff that we ask for a lot, 'For goodness' sake, just take the rubbish out, would you?'

Personally, even though I love giving words of affirmation and receiving them even more, I also love giving presents. Little care packages I call them. Silly things, silly stories, mini teddy bears or shelves... or actually I like organising things too, like the ironing room. I bought shelves and a clothes rack and everything! It were really good in the end. But the point is, if you give me presents, they just don't hit the mark, (unless it is something practical like a fruity shower gel) becuase my PRIMARY language is words of affirmation.

CULTURAL CLASH: In Britain, in the British culture, we don't seem to be very good at giving positive feedback at all, you know, sharing what we think (Lord knows we don't want to OFFEND anyone!!), or being touchy feely unless it is sexually related (see Binge drinking as a symptom of British repression). I think Serena is a bit more mediterranean in outlook, which could explain why she loves the continent so much... So, everyone who ever visits her blog: LOTS OF AFFIRMING WORDS PLEASE !!! (me too for that matter, it makes me feel special when you comment, so when I invite replies, write LOTS!!!)

OK, over the cyberwaves it is a bit difficult to give one another great big squishes, but hey... Are you hearing me, people??? Thank you for being sparkly! (here, see what I did? Just affirmed you all with words.)

What is your Primary Love Language, and are you getting your fix?

Muppet Parodies

Feeling the need for a little lightness of being, I have looked up a few Muppet Parodies, one of my favourite being Men in Plaid. If I ever blogged from home, I'd paste the pictures direct into this thing, but for some reason the sophisticated firewall at work doesn't let us download programs onto our own pcs. Hellfire and Damnation. (oh, wasn't one of my resolutions this year to stop swearing?) mmm...

Anyway, if anyone could post their faves in their blogs, i would muchly appreciate it...

OK, I get the message!

Sometimes I feel like the whole world is on radio silence. I'm stranded in the middle of space sending out a distress beacon, and no one is picking it up. I know they say that no news is good news, but can no news also mean 'BACK OFF'?

OK, so if it means everyhting is fine, course of action is to hang in there and do something else.

If it means 'Back off!' then course of action is to hang in there and do something else.

Can someone help me?

Longing for surreal humour

I've read an article on BBC news today which says doctors should take more heed to the symptoms of love-sickness http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4240579.stm.

I'm only interested becuase recently I was suffering the symptoms of what I assumed were sugar withdrawal (have given up refined sugar), but was also going through a little bit of an emotional attachement to someone, and could have confused these symptoms with the early stages of infatuation (not being able to eat, tummy ache, nausea and obsessively checking my e-mail).

Anyway, now that the symptoms have subsided somewhat, and the young man in question I have not communicated with in the last few days, they have not disappeared completely, but suffer a dull sort of throbbing in the pit of my stomach, even when I have fed it good nutritious and well balanced food. I'm worried that even though they are not extreme, they are still present. Dammit! Ah well, such is life, I suppose! I'm sure given a few more weeks I'll have forgotten about it all and will have much better things to think about.

How can such a brief entanglement lead to such uproar?

The doctors said that up until the 18th Century, love-sickness was a valid medical condition because of extreme behaviour triggered by it. For some reason I am imagining Gwenneth sitting on a pile of post.... Maybe I should begin to imagine myself sitting on a pile of post. Or maybe swamped by it. Then at least I would have something to do instead of just concentrating on a spoon with a friend.

This piece of surreality leads me to my next topic. I am in the middle of a FANTASTIC book by Woody Allen (TB I will send it to you when I'm finished, it is so good) called The Complete Prose, a collection of three of his books and contains a selection of ridiculous stories and observations in small, bite-sized chunks. One chapter is called 'The lesser known ballets', another 'If the Impressionists had been Dentists' and takes the form of some letters by Vincent to Theo recounting his traumas at the restriction in artistic expression of doing bridge work. Yet another chapter 'Match Wits with Inspector Ford' is a series of surreal and ridiculous murder mysteries whose resolutions bear no resemblance to the crimes in question. It reminds me of a particularly obscure game of consequences... It is also very clever, very funny and has me laughing out loud every time I read from it. Not to be missed, and certainly not for people who need a sense of humour transplant, although if you read the book, it would save you thousands in medical fees.

Too much of nothing

They say that a hope defered makes the heart sick. So how long to you have to keep hoping? Waiting? How do you deal with disappointments in life, lack of recognition and consolidation in your circumstances or relationships? I mean, sometimes I just feel like I'm wasting time on this earth... in a job that has no greater purpose but to feed and house me, waiting to meet 'the one', waiting to reach my creative and personal potentials, constantly getting disappointed that I'm not 'arriving', not being, but always in this process of learning to hang on just a little bit longer.

What about hope? What keeps me going? What, when all is said and done, keeps getting me up in the morning past all the 'exciting' things I want to do with my life, all the contributions I want to make, all the lives I want to touch? For what purpose? What difference does it make?

I figured out if you can't get validated and justified by any other human being, or collection of humans, then the only option is God. I'm hungry, full of desire that remains unfulfilled, wanting to give myself completely to someone, something that will appreciate and protect my heart, so that I won't have to spend so much time and energy in protecting myself from the onslaught of all life's circumstances and relationships.

Oh, I make so many mistakes along the way, but I AM filled with hope. I do KNOW that this longing and calling deeper will expose me to truth and beauty that will not fade. And I KNOW that my life will begin to reflect that. I KNOW there will be joy in artistic expression of the pain and the hope... Oh, I'll still be open to disappointments, and this longing will only get deeper, call me further into the bigger picture....

But what are the other options?

There are none that are a viable alternative.

cor, that was a bit reflective.

Sparkle-o-meter

I am going to create a sparkle-o-meter, but I need a bit of assistance from my wide catchment of readers (this is currently three, but may reach four people on the planet within about three months). Currently on my list I have:

Fairly Twinkly
Shiny
Sparkly
Radiant
Faintly Glinting
Shimmering
Glittery

Any help in generating some more adjectives would be much appreciated. Bear in mind, it is about the quality of Sparklyness... oh, did I not mention that before? I'm going to make it out of sparkly fabric and hang it on my wall. If the idea takes off, I might sell a few to a small boutique specialising in sparkly things. This of course means that I will have to find a small boutique specialising in sparkly things. Any takers?

Pome

A man through Highland glen wandered,
His gaze upon a striking bloom did rest;
Entranced with her transparency,
He stood a while transfixed.

She'd ne'er a lover's eye beheld,
And seeing him enraptured so
Did yearn for him to prove his love
Full knowing what the cost might show.

He leant in close, drew vibrant breath
His nostrils filled with scent divine
And yet he knew were he to pluck
This wholesome sprite from whence she grew
her lustre he would taint
His conscience ever moved.

And so, in all respect and love he left her there
Upon the hill to bask in light of heaven's eye.

The same path would he choose again,
Upon that rugged, bleak terrain
To realize the way for him
Was to delight in her magnificence.

For in the nurture of her makers' care,
And of this the man was ever sure:
Her radiance enhanced tenfold
The longer did he her grace behold.