Being all growed up

Well, its official. I am finally growing up. How do I know this, I hear you ask? Well, firstly not being an ordinary girl by any means, I have more than one element to contend with: being human, and being a christian.

In human terms, growing up in itself is an interesting, painful and confusing process. In particular when you start realising that life is more complicated than you thought. You find yourself acting in certain ways, and having certain conversations which lead you to believe that you're no longer a child. You're more confrontative, able to understand and express your emotions more easily. You even find that the situational experiences you find yourself in are not the ones a child/teen would find themselves in. The ordinary grind of life begins to take over (you find yourself in a grown up job with mortgage, tescos, leadership in different areas, you no longer relate to teens, and certainly have no idea why they have such problems controlling themselves) and you increasingly wonder where you are going to find time to achieve a good work/life balance. When are you going to lose that extra couple of stone you've been meaning to for the last ten years? When are you finally going to buy that motorcycle or enrol in a course to learn business Japanese?

Your whole environment begins to look different and suddenly you realise that the challenges you are facing are more to do with the grey areas of life. You find yourself in relationships with the opposite sex that are no longer straight forward. And being a Christian doesn't help. We're supposed to hold ourselves to a higher standard of moral choices. We aren't supposed to engage in confusing or ambiguous behaviour. We should know where the boundaries are and concentrate on either getting married or enjoying being single and devoted to being the best you can be, instead of getting distracted and engaged in relationships that are leadings us in the wrong direction. But you do it anyway, and feel like the longer you've been a Christian, the more you're getting wrong. (In reality, it is like the advanced driving test: once you get told all the things you should be doing, it feels like you're driving has got worse - but its only your perception, you're not actually doing anything differently!)

Well, anyway, the rest of this post got erased when I was uploading it and I've forgotten what I was going on about!