Insanity
They say that a good definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results.
Boy, I must be a right nutter. I keep going back for more. I keep asking, keep seeking, keep looking for assurance and affirmation from certain individuals who can't give it to me. I keep looking to others, even my friends, for answers that they just don't have. I can't look to food for comfort anymore, and its no wonder I'm feeling things more deeply!
I know what the answer is. I know, becuase there is this little voice that keeps saying, 'Come away with me...' and I know I need to retreat. I know I need to be by myself. To incubate. To receive healing and restoration. To receive words of love and things that will make me feel special.
I just don't know how to do it. Every time I hear the call, I'm just so good at forgetting. I'm so good at ignoring it. Do you think it could be the next step? I mean, now that I've learned to stop trying to satisfy my restlessness by eating junk, by ignoring my body, by letting things slide. Now that I'm beginning to master a new way of eating, a new way of being, now that I'm not suppressing that voice anymore... how do I learn to do it? How do I put it all into practice? How do I carve out time to get away? How do I teach myself new habits and unlearn ones that are just not working?
I know the answers.
How do I make it happen?
Boy, I must be a right nutter. I keep going back for more. I keep asking, keep seeking, keep looking for assurance and affirmation from certain individuals who can't give it to me. I keep looking to others, even my friends, for answers that they just don't have. I can't look to food for comfort anymore, and its no wonder I'm feeling things more deeply!
I know what the answer is. I know, becuase there is this little voice that keeps saying, 'Come away with me...' and I know I need to retreat. I know I need to be by myself. To incubate. To receive healing and restoration. To receive words of love and things that will make me feel special.
I just don't know how to do it. Every time I hear the call, I'm just so good at forgetting. I'm so good at ignoring it. Do you think it could be the next step? I mean, now that I've learned to stop trying to satisfy my restlessness by eating junk, by ignoring my body, by letting things slide. Now that I'm beginning to master a new way of eating, a new way of being, now that I'm not suppressing that voice anymore... how do I learn to do it? How do I put it all into practice? How do I carve out time to get away? How do I teach myself new habits and unlearn ones that are just not working?
I know the answers.
How do I make it happen?
posted by Soaring @ 3:43 pm
1 Comments:
At 1:28 pm,
Tom Reindl said…
"How do I make it happen?"
By working in "concert" with Jesus.
I know, I know, that is just another Christian platitude. The problem, hoever, isn't the platitude, it's the people who spout them about, never living it themselves. So no wonder these platitudes sound so useless and empty, right?
Our generation of "believers" has a good base of head knowledge.....and that's about it. Knowledge is uselss towards change, unless it is actually LIVED inward.
So I guess the first place I would start is by knowing Jesus as best as you can. But in order to do that, we have to stop forgetting that he is with us constantly. If you breathe, dear girl, you breathe in God. If you move in any way, you touch God. Ever wonder how He knows everything about you? It's not hard when He truly is everywhere, all at once. The surface of your skin is no barrier to Him, He lives in your skin, inside of you. Taken to a merely physical definition, that means he is more intimately acquainted with you than anyone you have ever met, and he has chosen this co-existence WITH you, knowing your weaknesses and strengths.
Taken to a deeper understanding, that of the spiritual, we can now live working in concert with Him, because we do not have to perform rituals or rites of passage to bring our Jesus near. For just as he is present in our physical life, he is also married to us in our spirit. Dear lady, just because you cannot see him does not mean he is not physically with you. You are the body of Christ. Let me rephrase that.
YOU are the body of Christ. You are his hands, his feet, his mouth, his strength. Not that you are able to do anything FOR him, but that he chooses to do things THROUGH you. How can you begin? By believing this is really true. Like I said, we have a head knowledge, and there are certainly times we respond perfectly to Jesus, but for the most part, what we have been taught is that "discipleship" is mysticism, unattainable in this body of flesh.
We limit ourselves everytime we use the excuse, "I cannot be perfect, because I am still human". Why bother believing such a thing? Maybe it is true, and maybe it isn't, but don't you find it awfully interesting that Jesus never said we couldn't be perfect? I think our problem lies not with our flesh, but with our soul, which was invaded by sin, and so began belieivng a long time ago that we are still slaves to sin, still PRONE to falling to temptation.
Practically speaking, doing the things you want to do will not happen overnight. But I have been learning, and living recently, that we ARE able to live free, in full concert with the "knowledge" that we are free. And this all starts with the ever-increasing constant awareness that you are no longer under an angry God, but WITH a loving One. Moment by moment, you may believe of yourself that you are a sinner, that the things you do are wrong, and that God is displeased with you. And why wouldn't you believe this, since you have most likely been taught this all of your life? But it's not true.
If nothing can separate us from the love of God, then not even our actions can. That's right, the moment you sin, God is as close to you then, as he was when you prayed. That's supposedly Christianity 101, but how surprising is it to find that although people "know" this, they don't live it as if it is true? The presence of God is not fickle, as we are fickle. He is here, and you live IN his kingdom, ALWAYS. Everything you do, everything you see, everything you touch, you do ALL of this WITH God. That is how Paul is able to say, "I can do all things THROUGH Christ, who strengthens me."
To begin is to know you are not ever alone. That is the place you must start. But when you come to this place, you are going to find that suddenly, you have no idea who you really are. That's because all of your life, you have tried to be what you thought God wanted you to be. Now, knowing he is always with you, who are you? Find out.
Do you want to know who you are? Only God can tell you. And He is with you, RIGHT NOW. It ALL starts WITH Him. That's how you begin. But take great hope, dear sister, that you have asked these questions at all, because that is your physical eveidence of the Spirit of God WITH you, working in and through you, to bring you to this point.
Post a Comment
<< Home