A Shock And A Victory

OK, so yesterday afternoon around 5pm, I get a call from the agency that hired me to do this job approximately one year ago. The lovely girl on the other end cheerfully told me that the booking was coming to an end and effectively I had no job to go to on Monday. What?

I've been having a think recently that I would like to go into a new field, and needed a bit of time to research it, but actually it seems that God has got some other plans for me. Hooray! It is actually quite exciting. Before I go, I'm planning to go down to the agency and give them a piece of my mind. I mean, what if they can't find me work for next week? They can't just leave me in the lurch like this. Usually if you're temping you get a warning that the booking is going to last two or three weeks, and you find out closer to the time whether they're going to want you back. Granted. But I've been in this job one year. I've made friends! I've done good networking. I've made an impact on my environment. I've changed an awful lot as well in that time, grown in confidence and I look fantastic too (what that has to do with the job, I've no idea...). The main point is that it is a bit of a shock in less than 24 hours to realise you have no job.

So, onwards and upwards. I'd like to go into Training and Development, and see if I can't forge a career that is more fitting to the skills and personality I have to offer. I guess I'd love to be mentored along the way, and would be keen to look for a position that offers CIPD training after a year or sooner.

Oh, and the Victory? I finally reached my 10%!!! In fact, I surpassed it! I've lost 10% of my bodyweight! That is 21lb, or one and a half stone! I've set myself a new target, which is just less than one and a half stone to go... I am aiming to lose it by Christmas, which actually gives me plenty of time. I might even lose 2 stone by then, which would be totally unbelieveable. Still, we celebrated with champagne last night! I'm starting to enjoy seeing what shape is emerging! I think I'm definately going to be able to tell a real difference by the next 10lbs... stay tuned, I might even post some photos!

Bite Me

My cat sitting experiences have me suffering, I'm afraid. There was an infestation of blood sucking fleas at the kitten's residence which has left me riddled and pock-marked with seriously itchy spots, mainly on the lower half of my body, concentrated around my ankles. On one ankle alone I have sixteen flea bites of varying size and state of repair. On one knee, I have a rather red scab where the itch was so bad I managed to draw blood. Yesterday Bruce let off three flea bombs which fumigated the house, so I believe all insects are now dead. Unfortunately the kittens still carry the little blighters, and these cats, being affectionate and due to me staying well away are thus starved of cuddles, proceed to get a little over-excited whenever I come to feed them and do not leave me alone! I find it impossible to refuse their miaws and end up tickling them on the head. Unfortunately the payment in return is more flea bites, garnered when they twist around my ankles in lieu of feeding. The bites I am starting to find even more irritating now that it has been at least a week of itching constantly and the instructions on my anasesthetic cream medication say 'do not use for longer than a week.' In addition, this means I will end up going to Soose's wedding looking like my ankles alone have suffered from chicken pox. The fleas have now made it up to waist level (at last count, I have five at waist level, one below my navel, one on the left and three closely packed on the right...) I do hope I can sleep tonight!! AM doesn't get back for another two weeks. When can I hand over cat sitting duties? When, Lord, when?

PS - do I taste sweet to fleas or something? I dread to think what the Vampires would do to me!

single woman blues

I'm despairing that no one is going to end up coming to my birthday! Or rather, I'm going to have a raggle taggle bunch of people that don't know each other... not my best friends or people I know that well. Having said that, it might end up as quite fun. I've invited nearly everyone I know! People from work, people from church, people from Salsa... I haven't even invited everyone from church that I wanted to invite! I dont' know if ANYONE is going to show up at all. Still, I can always invite people at the wedding I'm going to on the weekend.

A much anticipated wedding, I might add. It is very exciting, really. I'll get to see lots of people I've not seen in ages. We'll have a great ole boogie and get to dress up and look fabulous. Then I'm going to have to start thinking whether or not I'm going to wear my hair up or down or whatever. It will be lovely to get all dressed up after having lost weight too. There is this one guy in particular that I'm hoping to impress. What does a girl have to do to get a guy to make a bee line for her, anyway? Even if it isnt' this one?

I mean, I was out dancing on Friday night, having a really excellent time, and yet the evening was marred by this one point: my friend got asked out. Now why on earth should that bother me in the slightest? She wasn't interested at all, but it still left me feeling that I was doing something wrong becuase I was not attracting any guys.

OK, so that is not altogether true. As usual I was being a total geek magnet. I've got nothing against geeks per say, but they're not exactly suitable for me. When am I ever going to meet my match, eh? And why do I find this all so disheartening? It is not as if I went out looking to meet someone. In fact, I know that where I go dancing, I've never really had anyone interested in me, so I've learned to expect that I won't get any interest. So why so disappointed this time?

My friends keep telling me that many blokes are shy, and I've got to be patient. What on earth does that mean? I've been waiting 30 years, and I've never been asked out. OK, only once when I was 19, and 15 stone (the heaviest I've been). He was a biker, and about 36 years old. He came into the shop that I was working in and I stupidly gave him my number. It was the most terrifying and awkward date ever. I have no idea why he asked me out, but I have a feeling that he may have thought that my friendliness actually meant I wanted to sleep with him, and becuase I was so fat and insecure, I was easy and could probably do with a good, ahem... you get the idea.

Leaving that behind, I feel like I'm by so far in the best frame of mind and physical shape that I've ever been in. I'm relaxed and happy. Things are going in the right direction. I'm not going out of my way to chat men up. I'm not desperately seeking attention. I'm busy getting on with my life, occupied with sorting it out...

...and still no joy. I can totally fully understand that at previous times in my life, I may have come accross as a bit of a headcase, stressed, or generally not as attractive as I could have been. I understand and fully trust in the fact of God's timing and benevolence (when the guy comes along, he's going to exceed my expectations). I understand that I could be giving off subconscious subliminal messages that tell guys that you're not interested (huh?- how do I manage that? - better yet, how do I change it?) I just have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

This of course pre-supposes that it is something that I can control. So, seeing as how it isn't anything that I can control, I am actually more than surprised that I just don't get more attention than I do.

Perhaps what I mean is a different kind of attention. The kind that is a little more than, 'hey she's cool, but she'd never go out with me so I won't ask her...' a little more than, 'I've had a crush on her for three years but she'll never know about it...' Is that why they are staying away? Because their knees turn to jelly and they can't speak? Evidence kind of points to the contrary in my life... I get on well with the young men I know, and am well liked by all. Why on earth would I want to go out with someone who is so shy he doesn't know how to state his preference? And I have no intention of making any first moves or driving the relationship. That is not my job. If he's not interested, there is no point in pushing things. So, I just get on with my life the way I have been for the last I don't know what.

So, where is the guy who is willing to take that extra step? Is it just that there is no one in my age bracket around? I mean, I know I expect much, but not even non-christian guys ask me out, and I'm starting to get really miffed.

OK, rant over. Enough talking about this and getting back to getting on with my life and not talking about this. But please feel free to comment if you have any insights.