Breathe IN!

OK, forgetting the expression on my face, this is my last wedding outfit. The beginning of September. So, I'm going to wear the same dress for a wedding at the end of October, and I was thinking how exciting it would be to compare notes. I shall post the two pics side by side when I get them. Anyway, hope you like it. I must do something different with my hair, though, it looks a bit funny. Well, just thought you'd like to see it... If I have any readership left at this point...

Ah well, that's it for now...

I don't know how, but I did it!!!

OK, so I've now officially lost TWO STONE! Read it and weep, people. I'm well on my way to being healthy and beautifully shaped!!! That is 14% of my bodyweight. 12 kilograms. A whopping 28lb of fat gone forever!!!

OK, so, what does this actually mean? Well, I thought I'd at least be fitting into the next clothes size down, but unfortunately that is not the case. I'm still wearing the same clothes, although admittedly they are ready to fall off at any minute. My trousers have grown so long that I keep tripping on them when I go dancing. But it is a small price to pay for being even more gorgeous than I was before.

The main victory is that I haven't weighed this little in about 9 years or so. can you imagine? I mean, I was about 12 stone when I started Uni in 1996 (I'm 12 st 3lb now), I had spent the previous summer losing about three stone quite rapidly. Anyway, I didn't stay at 12 stone for very long... and I never got below it. So, in fact, the last weight before that which I actually remember was when I was about 14, and not fully grown yet. I think I was 64kgs, around 10 and a half stone or so. So, anything under 12 stone is going to be exciting - I mean, it is all new territory. What is my grown up, womanly shape going to be like??? What will I end up as? How was I originally planned?

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!!!!!

Tescos and I sure know how to pick em...

I like late night shopping. I like living in the town I live in. I like being me and knowing so many people.

Tonight I met a friend of mine who I used to have a massive crush on when we worked at the same place. He'd send me weak at the knees just by standing about three feet away from me. I had to hold on to the nearest sturdy object for support most of the time. Broke my heart not being able to be with him.

He's married now. I met his wife next to the two for one offer on Sweetland Rindless Bacon. It sure did make me think. Its funny how sometimes you would never put certain people together. Still, she seems absolutely lovely, and not altogether dissimilar in colouring and build to myself. Makes a girl think (and regret that I never jumped him). But on the bright side, it means my social circle has just widened itself even further.

When we were at the checkouts, I looked over to the other aisle and saw a chap who used to live with one of my best friends. I smiled at him, and nodded my head as you do, but he didn't recognise me. And check this - he said it was becuase I'd lost loads of weight!! (BINGO). It also turns out that he's taking a course at the company where I've got a second interview at this week... again, check out my networking skills. I had a major crush on his other housemate at one point too. Now that housemate is married.

This reminds me - both the young chaps I was involved with (albeit briefly) at university got married years ago. And the man who I most recently had a big crush on has now got a pretty steady girlfriend. I think i see a theme developing.

I repeat: Four out of five guys who I either dated or had massive crushes on or both are now married, and the other one has a steady girlfriend.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I know, maybe if you want to get married, and think you'll never find someone, just break my heart and before you know it, you'll be hitched.

Or perhaps, as my housemate pointed out, I have a way of picking out guys who seem ready to settle down. I'm not even going to try to rationalise this one, only I guess that sooner or later it has got to start working in my favour???

So, a couple of weeks ago I had a date. It was pretty nice, I hope I see the guy again, but he seems to have commitments that take him out of town a lot.

I decided to push the door with this guy from church who I've known for ages but never really chatted to. We ended up exchanging phone numbers in the pub a couple of weekends ago and we're going dancing on Friday night.

There's this cute young guy also from my church who I kinda like too, who is totally too young for me, and totally not suited, but I like him, and... oh well, I'm happy to wait and see if he ever grows any... and tries it on (I would definately not say no!).

Oh, and there is this most gorgeous young man who works in the bar where that photo (see below) was taken... but he's only 18 so that completely rules him out, but I'm free to ogle... (and take all my dates there..)

So, you know, I'm on the case. Might as well get out there if I want something to happen, not that I can control what, if anything, does happen. Do a bit of socialising, a bit of dirty dancing (particularly with a chap with overdeveloped biceps at well known salsa venue in town), networking a go-go, never turn down a date and generally more having fun. Mm. I think I'm looking forward to this season in my life...

I repeat - do you see a theme developing here?

Note to self - find out if bloke in Tescos has a girlfriend and if not, get his number.

*wink*

Pooped!

I've started seeing a counsellor. I think I mentioned it before. To help me deal with a few issues that seem to be stopping me from moving forward. So many things are changing in my life, many are out of my control, but I'm trying to do my best to keep things afloat. I'm busier than I've ever been before, but I'm also being productive. I get frustrated because I can't make things move along faster than I would like, and actually the counselling is helping me to realise that sometimes your past needs to be vanquished before i can move on. Before I can be free. It is certainly something that needs to be overcome.

I like that word. VANQUISHED.

Reminds me of the Knights of the Round Table and all that. I am in the middle of doing a comic strip... maybe I'll post it as my next post. It is about vanquishing an enemy of sorts... an ice cream enemy. Anyway, just thought I'd say how emotionally draining it is temping, looking for work, going dancing, making wedding dresses, church commitments, plus examining past things, plus trying to lose weight (24lb at last count), plus trying to encourage and squeeze in as many dates as possible... It's no wonder that I'm absolutely exhausted!

Can you vanquish tiredness? And if you can, what is the secret weapon?

(Don't say do less)

Turning Thirty

A landmark occasion for any girl. It happened the week after I got made redundant, so in one way it was a good excuse to take a week off and party. YAY!!! Here is a picture of me celbrating with a couple of friends!

I must say, the Tapas that night was particularly wonderful, but not as wonderful as the outstanding cocktails. They were more like alcoholical milkshakes, but needless to say, I actually drank alcohol that night... A special occassion well worth it.

So, its around this time of reaching landmarks when you have to look a bit more closely at your achievements. Well, you don't have to, but they sort of call for it, by the mere nature of having reached the landmark. And what do I see in my life? Well, I'm going to look at it this way: I'm in a fabulous position. I'm old enough that I've got wisdom and experience and a good head on my shoulders. I've grown in confidence over the years and generally feel quite good about being me. And instead of moaning about what I haven't got, I'm in a place to realise that, as my friend Sophie put it, the best is yet to come. I have all the good things still to look forward to, finally losing all my puppy fat and becoming a real grown up, getting a firm step on a career ladder and landing a great job, with good prospects, most anticipated of these things is my own special falling in love story, followed by lots of cheeky kids one day, a houseful of arts and music and people dropping in for tea the whole time, feeding the neighbourhood and long hot lazy summers... maybe even living abroad for a spell.

But the greatest thing about all these not yets is that they're not at all in my control. I mean, of course I can do tiny things to assist them, some more than others, but really, isn't it all a God-given dream which only he can ordain? I mean, really... I can no more affect which job I get or what man next walks into my life. All I can do is be around to make the important choices... So yeah, I'm in a good place. Things are moving. They've already come a long way, but most of all there is hope for a bright future.

Don't get me wrong, its not all bright and dandy, because there is pain in the 'not yet'. But the comfort is that I don't have to do it all by myself.

No time to blog..

...my actual life has taken over!!!!!!!! Aaaarrrgghh! It is spinning madly out of control and I'm heading fast into a hazy blur of madness. I need a holiday. Will somebody stop my life, i want to get off!!!!!!!!!!!!!