Trying to tell me something?

Ok, Ok! I know! After that last post, and a horrendous day feeling ever more exhausted and anxious that I wasn't going to get everything done, my body decided to wage war and collapse. In fact, I had a fever that broke around 1am Thursday evening when I decided to empty what little contents remained of my stomach. Talk about shivers, hot and cold, nausea, dehydration and generally feeling pants (English for dreadful - for all you yanks).

So, I cancelled nearly everything on my register, refused to move from my room, consumed copious quantities of soup and dosed up with the regular flu medication. So, how long before I get better so I can get on with life???

I think I'm starting to notice a pattern here... thanks Tom, for all your advice. I am seriously considering giving something up, becuase I need to get some exercise - to better wellbeing so that I am less likely to crash and burn any time soon.

So much for the Easter Holiday long weekend - no chance even to enjoy this spell of good weather we're having. Perhaps I can walk up to the shops to get some Lemsip? I hear fresh air aids convalescance...

I can't believe I'm blogging during the holidays - life sucks.

Can you stop my life, I need some sleep!

In a vain attempt to slow things down, I have just found myself getting increasingly busy. One of these days, something has got to give. Why is it that I always end up with three deadlines at the same time and have no idea why I can't just say NO to things? At the moment, I've got a wedding dress fitting on Friday morning, and three hours worth of ironing to fit in before tonight (I've got a hair appointment at 2pm and a dinner at 6pm) um where is that going to happen??? Then I've got some hand sewing to finish and to tidy my room for Friday - URGH! i think I"m just going to have to be delayed and then not stay till 11pm like I usually do on a Thursday night. So, it looks like I'm staying up until the early hours just to get things ready for tomorrow!!! Then I've got an exciting weekend planned:

On Friday I'm going to Christchurch to visit friends who had a baby in December - I haven't met her yet, so I'm going to pick out a nice cuddly teddy for her today.

On Saturday I'm up to London to visit my brother and folks, then back again to Reading in the evening.

On Sunday morning I'm playing in the Easter Service at church, so we've got an 8.30am start (but the clocks go forward, so I'm deprived one hour sleep!!!) OUCH!!! 7.30am start!!! Then I pick up a friend who is visiting for the day and we spend a riotous afternoon togehter until we go out to SALSA in the Evening where there is a live band till 2am.

Then Monday I'm going up to London to visit an Aussie friend and her husband...

So, when am I actually going to get a chance for a real REST? How do you define REST anyway? What happens when you stop all the DOING and just focus on BEING? I mean, what on earth does that mean anyway? BEING? Just sitting in a room with no music, no tv, not even reading or engaged in anything constructive. If only the weather was nice then I would go for a walk. You can't just BE when you're by yourself, can you???? I want to BE with my friends. I want to BE with those I love and who are important to me.

Does socialising count as just BEING?

Super Teddies and Rusty Chains

I've got a really old squeaky bicycle. Its becuase I've left it uncovered in the alley next to the house since the summer. I'd been convinced of a flat tyre and had abandoned it to the elements during the rather nasty weather we'd been having. But there is a smell of spring in the air, and today for the first time in months, I rode it into town and back. It squeaks. Quite horribly. With every turn of the rear wheel. The blokey at Halfords said it was becuase the back wheel had buckled and I needed a professional to adjust the spokes for me till it squeaked no more. He also said I should re-set the rear brakes so that I had a bit more leverage as far as the 'squeeze' went, because the rear brakes were looking a bit dodgy. Still, any excuse to recruit a nice young man to assist me in my technical endeavours!

On another note, I've started another blog for all my teddy bear stories. The one on there at the moment is called Little Rimmer. There could be a better name, but I couldn't think of one. Also, it is totally unedited and in need of perfecting. Let us say this is the first draft and will give you a gist of plot and characters. Several bits of it could be fleshed out, but by the time I finish the story it will end up being a novel, and I'm trying to keep it short without taking away any of the important bits. Cheers to Neil for the homage to Red Dwarf. Pity the character doesn't really fit his name... (but maybe he has another name?) Otherwise, Rimmer (who is residing chez N) is currently in a temporal paradox. In fact, becuase his past hasn't been written yet, he is fading into a mere shadow of himself - one could call the state of being almost holographical... go figure. Here's Bear Faced Cheek. Hope you enjoy and comment lots.

Burn it down and salt the earth...

You know when you take an apple pip and slice it open, there is nothing but white seed in the inside. How come that plain white seed contains all the genetic information to bear a fruitful apple tree?

John 12:24
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

Some things have to die, don't they. Something died last night. It wasn't a bad thing. It was probably the greatest gift anyone ever gave me. But I believe that like the golden Phoenix from the ashes heralds a new era, a new hope, so something new is born in me today.

Take heart, hope much. Good things are just around the corner.

The Anxiety of Boredom

Who would have thought that boredom would make one anxious? I mean, I'm going out of my skull here twiddling my thumbs. I'm distracted and restless. I know, I know... go to the gym (not likely), go for a run, Lord! Go to Salsa or SOMETHING! ANYTHING! Quick a distraction! I feel like I"m just biding my time waiting for this restlessness to pass. I guess it was something that has characterised most of my teenage life - you know, got bored, got anxious, ate food, got fat, escaped into televisual um, escapism... but now I can't do that because I've given up sugar (no more stuffing face) and films (no more escapism) so the problem that always was there has just reared its head again. Need to find constructive way have outlet.

Any suggestions? Becuase I'm not sure how long I can practice breathing in and then purring out...

THE COMPUTER'S SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer's swallowed grandma
Yes' honestly' its true
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It's devoured her completely
The thought just makes me squirm
Maybe she's caught a 'virus'
Or been eaten by a 'worm'.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind
I've even used the internet
But nothing did I find.

In desperation I asked "Google"
My searches to refine
The reply from them was negative
Not a thing was found 'online'.

So, if inside your 'In Box'
My Grandma you should see
Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' her
In an e-mail back to me

Invisible Hand Gestures

Why is it when people talk on their mobile phones (or any phones for that matter) they make wild hand gestures to stress their point, even silly faces and end up getting really rather animated! Its so much fun just watching it. There was this visitor in reception this morning who just made me giggle becuase he was getting rather excited explaining some kind of business solution to a client down the other end of the phone. His hands were all over the place, and I was transfixed as he just didn't realise at all what he was doing! It was so funny, made me giggle! I mean, I'm sure I do exactly the same thing, even when I know that no one can see me! Must look a complete sight, you know, this human need for communication, verbal and non-verbal!

The other side

Here is a link to a photo of the OTHER side of my room, the workstation side... a little less cramped. One day I will look back and laugh. You know, when I'm a granny and making prom dresses for my little granddaughters, I can say, 'When I was a girl and just starting out, I made wedding dresses and had fittings in my little room!' And they'll be like, 'But Nan, you're still sewing and having fittings out of your little room!' And I'll giggle and say, 'Yes, but I worked up a good Empire in the in-betweeny bits!' Wonder if my workrooms are always going to look like a fish tank?

ok, so here is my storagey thing... 

Room for manouvre

So this is one way of looking at my room when it is tidy. Looks tiny, doesn't it??? Messy messy, oooh! Its tidy now... Do you like my good use of space then eh? eh? all these hanging storage compartments and a high bed... if you look very closely you might even be able to see my teddy bear!

Adventures before 9 am.

So I'm queueing up at the coffee cart to get my usual cup of Earl Grey tea. I'm busy dunking my teabag and figuring out which pitcher of milk as 'skimmed' in it. I pick up the pitcher which has one of those loose lids with a hinge on it that you lift up (or not) to pour the milk. Anyway, away I go, noticing that the container is a little heavier than usual and I end up with a fountain of milk pouring straight into my cup at such speed that it overflows all over the counter top and down my suit! (OK, the only thing that got really damaged was my sleeve). Not only do I have to bear the shame and embarassment of looking like a total idiot child, but I am stood there holding up the other folks who are desperate for their morning dose of caffine. To make matters worse, the now flooded teacup is looking rather less like milky tea and more like milky water, a flavourless tepid liquid which I shall probably have to do away with down the sink.

At least it only cost 20p.

Yup, I just had another sip and it tastes suspiciously like luke warm milk without the milk.

Mark Darcy to the rescue!

Swiss Toni was recently talking about the joys and traumas of changing body shape. The upshot of it all was that in the comments, we were sharing our experiences and hangups about being either less or more than we would like. I mean, for goodness, sake, I'm sure we wouldn't have hangups like these were it not for the media constantly drumming this whole 'dissatisfaction' thing into our heads. Not to mention the role that parents have in making things worse, shaking their head and looking really disapprovingly when you put butter on your bread, or telling you things like, 'That lady in the shop said that you had such a pretty face if only you would lose some weight.' I mean, can you imagine something like that affecting me? As a result, I still think I'm abnormal.

So, I'm waging war on all of this nonsense. Not by refusing to exercise and eating copious quantities of pie and chips, but by re-programming my mind to think affirming things. And I can't let this pass without mentioning one of the mindshatteringly painful yet lovely moments I had the other day: I was recounting a story to my best friend about how this guy I know said that he liked my voluptuousness, found me really sexy and didn't want me to change! For the first time in my life, I think I didn't actually want to lose weight at all! Isn't that crazy? How the love and acceptance of someone who finds you overwhelmingly attractive JUST AS YOU ARE can cause you to rethink your ENTIRE self image and affect your self esteem quite dramatically? I am just really grateful for that guy, he doesn't know how important it has been for me (welling up now!)

Anyway, it gets me thinking about Bridget and her big pants...

How can a whole government resign?

My goodness, this is nothing I ever blog about, but things are a bit historic at the moment. I actually know close to nothing about what is going on in the world, not really enough to comment or even form an opinion, but one thing I know a little about is Lebanon. It is the country of my birth and as such it is important that I inform myself. So when I see pictures of thousands of flag waving patriotic Lebanese people actually making a stance against a government who may not be making decisions based on the welfare and desires of the entire nation - you get the point, it brings tears to my eyes. But the main point is - the entire cabinet just resigned! Huh? I mean when does that happen? Its total madness, and very exciting to see democracy in action, especially in the Middle East!

The thing is, I barely understand these things, let alone the sentiments of the Lebanese people. I've never lived there, I've visited once or twice in my lifetime, which in itself is shameful, I suppose. I must say, I understand little to do with the culture, apart from the food which is delicious... But it has made an impact really. I haven't even asked my folks what they think about the whole thing, but they've been living here for near on 30 years, longer than my mum at least has spent in Lebanon.

I will question her and then re-post about this self-same topic. Swiss Toni, you are politically astute - any chance of a brief summary of the situation?